so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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