actually, I'm a sock model
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
