I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
