I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
