when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
