It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Your dad touched me again.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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