Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
