Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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