Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
