Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
