Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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