So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
