the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
