i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
