I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
