im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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