the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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