South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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