just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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