Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Boobs are out for the taking
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
