this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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