Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
