I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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