Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
