you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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