I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
