I can't watch pbs sober anymore
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
