Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
