I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
