I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
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