so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
