Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
