I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
