I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
