After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
