sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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