best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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