Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
