the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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