My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
