They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
