i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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