oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
