Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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