I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
