tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
