just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
