sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
