I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
