Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
